Schooled in 6 different schools before 18. I’m functioning (easy to talk to people) but I lack trust. I always suppose they’ll let me down, and I accelerate the events because I’m tired of even arguing and I know it’s coming (I know I just don’t « belong » in any place, so I know in case my needs collide with someone else, they’ll choose someone else).

Coming back to Facebook, I can’t quit Fb or Youtube because they are my only friends. I have some, but they have girlfriends and kids. I just wanted to highlight that addiction usually come because there is a void, and getting rid of the addiction is not so simple. Same for those addicted to alcohol: Stopping alcohol is actually the easy part; Finding friend who don’t revolve around consumption is the harder step. I insist, I’m a functioning adult, actually founder with 2 employees, but I really don’t spin round.

I believe I have similar issues despite never moving at all. My parents are both depressed/anxious/distant.

That’s interesting. I switched ~4 times in the first 5 grades. I’ve never really considered whether it affected me much, but have been highly self aware that I don’t really care about letting go of people. I have a vivid memory of yearbook signing in high school, and just getting tired of it, and when people wanted me to write a personalized message, I just said... eh, and declined to do so.

I wouldn’t have thought this was disruptive, but I also recall manually learning how social behaviors work in 11-12th grade and had always assumed I was just a bit of an aspie

I went to 9 schools in 7 different states thousands of miles apart by the time I went to college, and I didn’t really value some of the things other kids did such as school “spirit” which I thought was stupid. Or rooting for “your” team, nor things like prom (parents were poor and still building themselves up so wasn’t about to ask them for funds to rent or buy clothes for a party) or yearbooks or graduation (didn’t even tell my parents about it, didn’t see why it was even worth celebrating since US high school is so easy). I know zero people from high school still.

I am fine conversing with people and making friends, I actually like to, and I think moving around a lot helped me learn the skills to size people up, but I am also evaluating how useful /enjoyable someone is to me so that I invest my time with the greatest return.

I also don’t care much for personal photos on work desk or other memorabilia and generally dwelling on the past. Just another data point. This is not to say that I don’t care about people, and I do like helping, but I don’t need to get all deep and emotional with anyone. Who knows if it has anything to do with me moving around as a kid.

I moved eight times before turning 18 and relate to most of what you describe. The lack of family pictures or memorabilia in your cubicle sticks out for some reason I can't articulate. I've never done that either and I don't understand why people do, like a pathologically tone deaf person who doesn't understand why people listen to music.

> I don’t really care about letting go of people.

This really does seem like a common thread among us who were uprooted and move around during elementary and middle school.

Having had the same rootless upbringing and these same kinds of feelings, I think the word that comes closest to describing what happened to us is dehumanization. Yes I can sever relationships very easily, and I will never truly miss them. I might think about them, but I will never make an effort to reach out or reestablish the relationship under any circumstance. Normal people suffer through these things and never sever. They also miss individuals who have left their life. Those are normal human feelings. We don’t have them. We can’t fake them. It’s tragic.

I’m curious if any non movers would like to chime in here, because tempting as it is, I wouldn’t be surprised if this mentality was common among HN readers regardless of childhood stability.

Moving sucked, but i hadn’t until now considered it traumatic. I’ve always chalked up these feelings to being smarter than average and more self monitoring. Alternatively, being comfortable with losing relationships because I’m sure I can make new ones