You're not alone. I was 33 on a high powered rocket to the bottom. I think ADHD can erode your sense of self, your self esteem, and as a result, every part of you. The distress gets real. And yet once you finally realize you _need_ help, you have such a low appreciation for yourself that you don't believe you _deserve_ help.

If I didn't have kids I probably wouldn't have gotten help. I did it for them. I'm glad I did now – everyone deserves help.

There is definitely a lot of internalized shame/pressure when it comes to ADHD diagnosis and seeing a specialist. I have been diagnosed and prescribed since many years ago, but I still feel the distress and get anxious every time I am forced to switch a provider due to life events (nothing dramatic; usually just either to me moving states or my provider moving states, which is exactly what happened with my most recent one).