Wasn't that actually the crux of the original ban? The moderator argued that using gender neutral pronouns (like they and their) should always be ok and to expect everyone to keep track and use a specific pronoun for everyone was a bit too much to ask? So they banned them because the SO employee thought that you should only use exactly what everyone requests. I have to agree that it's a bit too much to ask in a forum that we all keep track of everyone's preferred gender pronouns rather than using something generic.

> The moderator argued that using gender neutral pronouns (like they and their) should always be ok

IIRC it wasn't even that, Monica was wondering whether it would still be okay to continue writing in a style that would avoid using pronouns altogether.

For example, my previous sentence.

Note the word "wondering". She was not insisting, just discussing the implications of not changing her entire writing style. The situation is complicated by other factors I am not at liberty to discuss, but Monica was not at fault – or if she was, at much less fault than others in the room.

From what I’ve read, it’s the opposite. Someone’s pronouns are they/them and Monica refused to refer to them with those pronouns. Monica will not use singular they, even as a personal pronoun.

According to the MSE FAQ, SO doesn’t care if you get it wrong as long as you’re willing to change the pronouns moving forward to reflect the correct ones. SO also prefers gender neutral writing (not using pronouns or using singular they) if you don’t know the correct pronouns for someone.

They don’t even require using pronouns at all unless avoiding it is really obvious (userx wrote in userx’s question that userx failed to find a solution - obvious example is obvious but I think it makes the point) but telling someone you refuse to use their pronouns is considered rude and moderators are expected to be willing to use correct pronouns.

In most cases, avoiding pronouns in day-to-day interactions is not noticeable. It’s more obvious when you interact with them (or talk about them) regularly.

No one is expecting anyone to memorize hundreds of pronouns for people you only talk to once.

One should always be careful with using pronouns. Especially if the only pronouns are going to be they and them. In this case "so they banned them" who is they and who is them?