Anecdotally, it's because so many people are bullshitting when they claim that something is a foundational hypothesis of the mainstream. People prefer to argue against a caricature rather than the real thing.
Marginalism is saying something much more precise than that. It is saying that (in the given example) the two people value their marginal dollars differently than they value one marginal unit of coffee. A statement which is certainly objectively true, but doesn't capture the apparent contradiction present in the original example.
That's common economics history: Marginalism was “invented” by Jevons and Menger pretty much at the same time (and Walras came a bit later with no prior knowledge of the two others' work at time of writing).
Jevons' work lead to the birth of the neoclassical school, while Menger's founded the Austrian school, and those two where pretty antagonistic for a while (One of Keynes' biggest achievement is probably the reconciliation these two branches in order to fight against his legacy ;).
The Austrian school in the modern sense only broke with the mainstream with Keynes. They had their own alternate explanation of the Great Depression that never caught on. I think the leaders of the school just moved to the US and became increasingly dogmatic, so modern Austrianism is a small niche.
There was a more recent form of macro that is anti-Keynesian that can be called "neoclassical", which would be the real business cycle theory, but it doesn't owe much to the modern Austrians. If you want to identify it with a specific marginalist, it's closest to Walras.
Nope.
As everything in economics, it depends on which branch you're talking about, but this assumption is the core of the marginalist revolution which is fundamental to the whole classical branch and it's derivatives, which makes the vast majority of mainstream economics nowadays, because the neoclassical synthesis made the biggest part of the Keynesian school move toward this assumption (say hello to micro-founded macro).
Anecdotally, claims that [insert a foundational hypothesis of classical economics] isn't really that important in the whole model has been the favorite defense of neoclassical economics against criticism since at least Friedman in 53 ( it might have existed before, but none of them had the popularity of his Essays in positive economics)