There's only so long that you can try and so much that you can do before you give up in despair. At some point, you have to acknowledge that you cannot be part of a community without the participation of other people.
One solution to this is to find a deep and meaningful hobby in your area. I have found Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (a grappling martial art) to be one such "real" community. IDK, I still think van life is a legitimate way to live, but without digging into community issues and essentially abandoning all communities there never will be any communities people can adopt.
Here is what works about BJJ and the community it builds:
1.) Doing a physically hard thing together
2.) Broad appeal, very technical if you want it to be
3.) See the same people every week for years
4.) Goal is to improve each others skills in BJJ, but it is a very difficult martial art that builds a mindset of overcoming struggle
5.) My academy we give back to our broader community through charity events, etc.
6.) Community is a mindset. I have found you have to really push and pull the younger generations out of their shell and show them how to socialize to some extent.
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Of course those qualities above aren't the only qualities that build a community but there are common themes. Working together to pull each other up with a perceivable sense of forward progress is a big element. I am not such a pessimist about communities and the current generation, but I definitely see how digital media and social media have stunted real communities in favor of shallower ones.
But as religion continues it's slow death, it's not been clear what replaces this important role of building community in our society. Hobby groups/clubs is at least one of the answers. My own hobby of mountaineering and climbing is very similar to yours of BJJ. Religion is basically just a glorified shared interest club that you're born into.
Something I haven't seen talked much about is how we financially support these types of groups. A lot of clubs either rely exclusively on volunteer effort and therefore are very fragile or high membership fees (like BJJ studios) that are out of reach for most people.
I didn't really put that together until now, but you're totally right. As a CS student, I've had group projects that involve regular meetings and a large project is developed over the course of a semester. Seeing my team mates constantly helps form bonds, but the wins and triumphs are probably the most influential.
I still remember submitting a project in the library at 2am and cheering that we were finally done. We got together for pizza and video games later that week for a more formal celebration.
On a related note about community it brings to mind Fight Club, Rent, and other "pre-Great Recession" aging very poorly as bitching about your cozy office job which pays the rent handily just came across as a spoiled rich kid to those in the downturn.
> While some residents dispute the existence of the Seattle Freeze, a 2008 peer-reviewed study published in Perspectives on Psychological Science found that among all 50 states, Washington residents ranked 48th in the personality trait extraversion. In 2014 a similar report by the Seattle CityClub ranked the population 48th out of 50 similarly-sized cities in activities such as "talking with neighbors frequently".
It's taken those years to break through the shells but people repeatedly tell me they like hanging out with me because I listen. I empathize. I'm genuine. I'm authentic.
You have to be real. Be committed to your fellow human beings. There's a dearth of that up here. A lot of judgemental people. Closed minds. Antagonism.
But if you are patient and keep letting people show you who they are and be who they are they'll cine to love you.
We need more people like that up here. They are here. Keep the good ones close and more will collect.
I am so happy I found my place. The weather is gross right now. People are staying inside shivering and will be until May next year. Try the library. Ask people questions.
I hear the same things repeatedly. No one says hi. No one smiles. No one approaches me. Do those things. People long for that.
As much as you want people to do that for you, they want it too. Be kind. reach out. Continue with the responsive ones.
Would you like to get coffee sometime? One on one works well with introverts.
If you've tried this many times and keep failing maybe the problem is with you.
So yes, maybe the problem is me. I hope not, but if it is and if I can't change that, then leaving society still seems like a sensible thing to do.
"If one day, you meet an asshole - then you met an asshole. If one day, you meet a hundred assholes - then you're an asshole."
A bit harsh, perhaps, but still relevant.
It is difficult.
this attitude is exactly WHY it's so hard to meet people or build communities.