I was in OP's shoes exactly one year ago. What you wrote above is beautiful and true. Not sure where in Europe he lives but I lived in a northern State of the US. Winners have always been tough, my family and I took a leap and moved 1000 miles south a few months ago. This is the best mental "winter" I ever recall having. As said above, OP your thoughts aren't logical. I had social thoughts last year. I tried making sense of why I was having them. I couldn't. Because they're reasonable. I had/have a good paying job, marriage, family, house, etc. But I was miserable and unwell. You're ill. Find a way to take time off, heal, and then change whatever it is that you think it identify as causing the stress and anxiety. Anyone can reach out to me. www.thisismystoryjesusismysong.com