One solution to the "hello name" would be to ask for it separately. Every time you're tempted to parse or rearrange a name, just don't, and ask the user instead, and make a new column or field to put it in. Now that's a paradigm that might stand a chance of winning database. Although ironically your correct rendering of everyone's name will doubtless create mismatches with all the officially sanctioned incorrect renderings by other inferior mortals out there.