I know...and thank you. I just wanted to be clear I am appreciative of empathetic and kind people. There is enough victim blaming and defensiveness from the masses in the world as it is...I don' want to alienate good people nor harm the acceptance and understanding for others in my situation by sounding ungrateful. For example I remember how grumpy and mean most older diabetics I worked with were and it wasn't because they were bad people, it's because they were worn out from suffering. But to most people they were just "jerks" who were choosing to be jerks.