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A comment on How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profound query.

Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by meddlepal on Sunday August 11, 2019 @10:48AM (#20668401)
One of the (many) problems with AITA is that given Reddits demographics you get an enormous amount of responses from teenagers to late 20s and they have a much shorter perspective to judge. Further, at least with teenagers they are not exactly known for emotional maturity.

The definition of an asshole isn't universal, if it was, nobody would need to ask the question. But biasing your answers from a largely 16 to 30 male population is going to guarantee a certain type of response in many cases.

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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by StavrosK on Sunday August 11, 2019 @10:58AM (#20668445)
This is especially obvious in "relationship advice" subreddits, where the answer to anything is "dump him/her".
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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by hombre_fatal on Sunday August 11, 2019 @11:09AM (#20668484)
I knew I'd become too old for Reddit when I saw a r/relationship_advice thread where the top comment was grossed out that a 30yo man was dating OP, a 24yo woman. That with an age gap like that, of course the guy was a bad egg. And everyone chimed in with how creepy it was.
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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by delinka on Sunday August 11, 2019 @11:13AM (#20668505)
yeah ... that's well within the 24yo's consent, and well within the anti-creepiness formula.
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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by stringyham on Sunday August 11, 2019 @11:23AM (#20668540)
Has the creepiness formula been somewhat accepted officially? I often see people using it to define the creepiness of a relationship, something I find very weird.
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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by StavrosK on Sunday August 11, 2019 @11:25AM (#20668557)
I can't answer your question, but if consenting adults are dating, how about we stay out of their business? How is it different to say "oh my God he's 40 and she's 22" than to say "oh my God, they're the same sex"?

If they can consent and did, it's nobody else's business.

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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by stringyham on Friday August 16, 2019 @07:06AM (#20713928)
And I agree with you.
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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by umvi on Sunday August 11, 2019 @12:15PM (#20668784)
Some people (not me) argue that it's not consent if the 40 year old is rich and the 22 year old isn't. The 22 year old has her free will impaired by her need to survive and if their financial situations were equal she wouldn't consent.
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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by StavrosK on Sunday August 11, 2019 @12:24PM (#20668821)
Where did the assumption that the 22 year old is poor and the 40 year old is rich come from?
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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by jpindar on Sunday August 11, 2019 @01:59PM (#20669460)
Same place as the assumption that you shouldn't bother interviewing older developers because they're going to demand too much money.
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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by tuesdayrain on Sunday August 11, 2019 @08:27PM (#20671456)
So the 22 year old is fine with dating the guy, and even needs him to survive..and we should not allow that to happen? Interesting sense of morality.
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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by imgabe on Sunday August 11, 2019 @12:27PM (#20668845)
There are millions and millions of 22 year olds out there surviving just fine without dating a 40 year old. If that is literally the only option for literal survival then that's probably rape. Needing to get a job does not mean your free will is impaired.
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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by umvi on Sunday August 11, 2019 @03:07PM (#20669810)
The argument is that power dynamics (in their many forms) impair free will and therefore your ability to consent.
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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by imgabe on Sunday August 11, 2019 @03:41PM (#20670005)
I understand the argument. I'm saying it is incorrect.
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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by IceDane on Sunday August 11, 2019 @11:32AM (#20668589)
Officially? How could such a thing be accepted officially? What kind of question is that? There is no Ministry of Relationship Creepiness Estimation.
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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by stringyham on Friday August 16, 2019 @07:05AM (#20713923)
I intended for that question to be rhetorical. What I don't understand is why that formula is seriously used in arguments.
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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by sokoloff on Sunday August 11, 2019 @09:41PM (#20671777)
I'm not sure what "officially" would mean in this context, but it's a pretty good rule of thumb which derives from what people already seem to generally think.

It has issues in the teen years, but from about age 22 onward, it seems to match well with [US] societal mores.

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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by StavrosK on Sunday August 11, 2019 @11:24AM (#20668552)
Anything over three school grades difference is disgusting.
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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by dtech on Sunday August 11, 2019 @11:39AM (#20668615)
That doesn't scale. A 40 year old person can date a 44 year old person.

The most common rule of thumb you hear is age/2 + 7. So for a 20 year old it indeed 3 "school grades" (more commonly known as years) but for a 30 year old it's 22

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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by StavrosK on Sunday August 11, 2019 @12:25PM (#20668833)
It was a joke on how young people think about age difference.
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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by EliRivers on Sunday August 11, 2019 @12:04PM (#20668720)
Only while you're actually at school.
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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by StavrosK on Sunday August 11, 2019 @12:24PM (#20668827)
Indeed, that was the joke.
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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by EliRivers on Sunday August 11, 2019 @12:41PM (#20668957)
Well, consider me whooshed.
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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by StavrosK on Sunday August 11, 2019 @03:19PM (#20669883)
Judging by the downvotes, you aren't the only one :(
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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by IceDane on Sunday August 11, 2019 @11:31AM (#20668579)
Both of these subreddits make me cringe so hard. Okay, maybe some RA posts are okay because they are legitimately about very complicated relationship issues, but the vast majority of the posts in both AITA and RA are just downright pathetic.

Who are these "adults" that constantly need validation and advice from strangers on the internet? How can they seriously expect to get any useful answers? Grow the fuck up, shut down your computer and talk to your fucking partner.

Similarly, if a bunch of people in real life are calling you an asshole for something you did, you were most likely an asshole. Posting some edited version of what happened to have a bunch of internet strangers soothe your feelings isn't going to change that.

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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by tildedave on Sunday August 11, 2019 @11:16AM (#20668515)
A more charitable interpretation is that people have gotten into situations bad enough where they've ended up seeking advice from strangers on the internet. (Not every relationship squabble ends up in a reddit post.)
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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by StavrosK on Sunday August 11, 2019 @11:27AM (#20668561)
I'm not sure how that relates. I'm saying that it's obvious that reddit is full of teenagers because the standard advice to any sort of relationship problem is "break up".

"My boyfriend is wonderful but his feet smell" "oh my God dump that stinky-ass clown".

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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by tildedave on Sunday August 11, 2019 @01:59PM (#20669457)
Ah, just making the point that the questions don't occur in a vacuum. By the time something's bad enough to consult random strangers on Reddit the problem has sometimes escalated beyond the point. Often the "dump him" answers come with people also sharing their own life experience. (I've seen my share of the silly questions/answers too of course.)
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Re:How ‘Am I the Asshole?’ became the internet’s most profou... by StavrosK on Sunday August 11, 2019 @03:18PM (#20669876)
Oh, I see what you mean. No, I've seen perfectly normal problems ("my girlfriend has different preferences in bed") elicit those same responses.

Basically, instead of "communicate with your partner", everyone defaults to "get a new one".

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