Hello! Do you need someone to talk to? I’m not qualified or anything though, just your average software engineer. Ping me.

Nice gesture but you don’t have contact details to ping in your profile

Oops. Updated. Thanks!

In darker moments I always think that eventually, this is an inevitable outcome for someone like me. But as somebody who's also experienced help that worked, even if for only a time, I wish that you (we) can hold on to some hope and trudge on. Maybe life will surprise us and we'll go at it till the end. Good luck.

If you ever need someone to talk to, the national suicide hotline is 800-273-8255. It’s free and open 24x7.

As someone who struggle(s|d) with ideation, I realized that I too was on that path. If I kept idealizing suicide then I’d eventually succumb. Some recommendations:

1. Find a therapist with whom you can build a relationship.

2. Be open to medication. Even if side effects can hurt your quality of life, you’re clearly already suffering from QoL problems.

3. Keep an emotional journal. In it, also track common culprits like sleep, food, alcohol, etc. this can help you identify and avoid triggers.

4. Strongly consider active exercises to change your outlook. Force yourself to have a social life and hobbies. Cognitive behavioral therapy also has a number of (sometimes touchy-feels, yet effective) exercises. You can learn more from the book “Feeling Good”

One can still hope.