Trains are objectively less deadly than cars. I wouldn't dispute that. However, I have zero fear of being in a car. You can reduce the risk of being in a car substantially by either driving the car, or having someone drive the car, who isn't impaired, isn't distracted, and is driving defensively.

Stressfulness is much more subjective. To me, city train systems are higher stress for me than the majority of the driving I do. Granted, I rarely drive in heavy traffic, which is more stressful. Since I don't encounter that while driving, I find subways more stressful since 1) I have to plan around their schedule 2) their schedules are always subject to delays 3) I have to be around strangers in close quarters and 4) you expose yourself to a higher risk of being victim to a crime

However, I have no problems riding the NYC Subway, Chicago's L, etc. when I visiting there.

There are also other ways to avoid miles besides living in a city. For example, I have a remote job, so I don't have a daily commute.

It's always weird how people in the suburbs complain everywhere about how crappy cities are and yet if you turn around and say you like them they get all defensive...

If you want to live in the cities, it's fine. If you want to live in the suburbs, it's fine. If you want to live in the country, it's fine.

Different people have different needs, enjoy different things, and enjoy living different ways.

OK, but road fatalities per capita and per automobile are higher in the US than in Europe. As is obesity. I believe that our obsession with motor vehicles even for small tasks plays a role in this.

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