Hang in there. You're definitely not alone, and it does get better. I'm happy to listen if you ever need someone to talk to who has been there, and in important ways is still there.

As others have said, don't be so hard on yourself: that you're teaching yourself useful stuff is the opposite of zero productivity. In fact, you're probably learning faster than if you were doing it while employed.

My best suggestion is that your local library will likely allow you to download an app such as Libby that will allow you to listen to audiobooks for free. During my downtime, nothing has brought me more respite from my depression than listening to - no joke - about 200 books. I alternate between sci-fi and non-fiction. I never would have imagined myself a listener, but I was very wrong.

If you learned a lot of category theory, functional programming and C++ then your productivity was not zero.

That's what I thought too. I yearn for more time to learn

I was just like you. This free self guided video series changed my life. Please, please, PLEASE take a look and give it a chance.

https://www.coursera.org/learn/happiness

Sorry to hear that but good that you are working on it. Life will look better to you in the future if you keep at it. Psychotherapy worked for me in the long run (1+ years) - suffered from severe depression for more than two years.

are you lifting weights and exercising? If not get on it ASAP. Revert back to the physical-activity-heavy lifestyle of our ancestors and you'll feel better

If you hate exercise, try physically-active VR games. You don't even feel like you're exercising (although you sure feel it the next day!)

AFAIK that's not enough calories burned to get you into caloric deficit. You need more intensive or longer exercise

It's not as simple as "X will make you lose weight or not." Caloric deficit depends on both your intake and expenditure. You can out-eat almost any exercise regime so a somewhat healthy diet and reasonable portion sizes are always going to be important.

Active VR games are a legitimate cardio workout. Sites like https://www.vrfitnessinsider.com/reviews/ have real data if you don't believe me.

As for duration, I've seen people (including myself) happily play Beat Saber for hours who don't last 10 miserable minutes on a treadmill.

I walk a lot, but I'm thinking on start a video series with fitness exercises.

a pullup bar fit in a doorframe in apartment can do wonders + bodyweight exercises.

Just put your routine in a FOR-loop and grind for increased STRength and STAmina stats lol

I hope things get better for you. The hardest part is taking that first step. I've been there and I know how hard it is to even get out of bed. It's cheesy, but what really helped me was listening to motivational tapes like Les Brown/Jim Rohn/Eric Thomas. I'd just go for a walk while listening to them and over time it got a little bit easier.

Start a journal to track your diet and any pertinent symptoms. After a week or two, when you have a baseline picture of your current diet, look up some articles on research connecting diet and depression.

Off the top of my head: Certain oils are pertinent -- some should be avoided, others sought out -- and iron deficiency can cause depression.

As someone who recently discovered unaddressed ADHD has been holding me back so much for so long, as well as experiencing that numbness of depression too, you are not alone and I have felt at least some of what you are experiencing. I wish you all the best in working through it.

I have been there too. When you are injured or ill, your duty is to survive. You can flourish and achieve when you are healthy again so don't go on holding yourself to what you can expect in other contexts.

thanks for all the support I'll check the links.