I suspect it has to do with pursuing the carnal pleasures rather than the computational variety.

As user 'thrower123' replied, I was busy jackin it and playing with girls which obliterated my previous schedule of learning 24/7 and being eager to do so.

I genuinely despise the change that lead to who I am. But as I write this I also realize that it was all me and this is just a bunch of self pity and I'm being a whiny little bitch that should not be scared of doing stuff for fear if not being as easy/able to as when I was younger. Fear of failure? Possibly. Probably. I'm too drunk to keep going and need help. Or money so I can take some time off and work on myself physically and mentally.