Yeah, this is called emotional disregulation. I have it to some extent, but am an adult with lots of experience noticing and regulating it. One of my kids is super kind but often responds to minor annoyances with an extremely irritated tone, or will collapse into an incoherent puddle at minor obstacles.

ADHD can be a huuuuge problem in relationships. Especially if you're going out with someone who would score very high on conscientiousness. They won't understand that things that are easy for them are hard for you, and will assume that you're just trying to piss them off, or are incorrigibly lazy. This is exacerbated because it's not like you can't do those things, it's just that you will inconsistently do them, and average towards not doing them.

At the time I was going out with the mother of my to be first child, my father (a psychiatrist) gave me a preliminary test just to see where the land was, so to speak.

On my partners request I should add.

For fun my then partner took the test as well.

My score 80% or whatever: “severe autistic traits”. WTF?! Ouch...

Hers? A clean 0. Zero?! You’re kidding. Sure she’s probably the most compassionate human being I’ve ever met, but come on!

Eventually we got a daughter and split up a year later.

Best thing that could have happened for anyone of us, daughter included, and we have a great relationship where we hang out all the time.

I believe in part this is because she doesn’t expect “normal” from me when we’re no longer together.

It also gave me a wake-up call telling me I had shit to properly sort out.

I too highly recommend Russel Barkley's videos about ADHD. They taught me so much. The most striking thing was learning how it's a primarily emotional disorder, and how this has harmed my relationships.

Here's a fantastic lecture (split into ~5 minute segments -- this guy gets it :) by Dr. Barkley:

ADHD - The 30 Essential Ideas Everyone Needs to Know

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzhbAK1pdPM&list=PLzBixSjmbc...

Can't edit anymore: found the whole talk in one video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCAGc-rkIfo&app=desktop

Have to second the emotional and relationship aspect of it.

The general physician I went to initially to kick of the quest for diagnosis obviously had an interest and gave me a book called “the answer” (edit).

If you are Swedish: “hemligheten”

In english the tag line (translated by me): “from moments to lasting relationships”

Found the English version :)

The Answer: How to start a relationship and make it last

https://www.amazon.com/Answer-start-relationship-make-last/d...

Could not find any reviews on this book, can you go into any detail around how it helped you?

It kind of made me think and question why I had such attachment issues.

Why the same pattern I saw in how I had to be ”interested” to give something or someone my attention repeated over and over.

I’ve had many relationships over the years with a specific pattern: I lose interest in about a year.

One total burn-out after another. Extreme interest followed by absolutely nothing.

There’s a follow up book I can’t find in English called (my translation): ”The dark secret”, that treats what they call ”deorganized attachement”

This one’s actually more relevant for me personally as my youth and upbringing was... “interesting” and in several ways traumatic.

On the topic of books:

“Healing ADD” was really useful for my partner:

https://www.bookdepository.com/Healing-Add-Daniel-Amen/97804...

Perhaps more to the point than the diagnostic criteria, is Dr. Barkley's observation that ADHD is a general impairment of executive function. Inability to direct attention is over emphasized being just one of the symptoms of that impairment.

I'll never understand how we name things. It's weird to have "Hyperactive" in the umbrella term when only two of the three categories have it as a trait.

I always have that same feeling with the mostly non-fatal term 'comorbidity'