Of course not, and that's really the point. Plenty of organizations will tell you they are Agile when they aren't truly following the Agile manifesto, but that's not going to stop the evangelicals from eating the horse manure("our team has standups 'n stuff") that reassures them that their belief system works.

Everyone's bullshitting each other, and I wish it would stop, but I know it won't. Not everyone can be a "true scotsman".

I'm not even defending Agile or other related methodologies like Scrum. They have some good ideas, but I haven't seen quantifiable evidence that they are good for businesses. Many of the ideas are good for software engineers, but that doesn't mean they are actually good for teams or companies. Even then, I've management use "responding to change over following a plan" as a license to make more arbitrary changes to what engineers will work on in a given day because they can take it. Planning days and point systems be damned.

How can anyone put "Individuals and interactions over processes and tools" while also using processes and tools?

Maybe agile is apostate waterfall, and we might as well do waterfall.

Pretty simple: by being willing to discard or alter processes and tools that prevent people doing useful work.

Because, as it says, they still value processes and tools.