Re:An evidence based guide to anxiety in autism [pdf]
by amelius on Friday April 26, 2019 @03:34PM
(#19761049)
That is a remarkable story. Curious, did you ever find out what it was in eating specifically paper/fabric that helped you? And how did you discover this?
Re:An evidence based guide to anxiety in autism [pdf]
by ascur on Friday April 26, 2019 @03:47PM
(#19761152)
I liked the blandness of it, and I would try to put as much in my mouth as I could reasonably chew on, and just chew on it as long as possible.
I've looked into oral fixations, iron deficiency (pica is a symptom), and I can't really explain it except that I found it soothing and a way to cope with other sensory things that I found overwhelming. Now I think of it similar to cigarettes, like a hypothetical pleasing vice that I may be tempted by but feel no compulsion toward.
I'd give anything to have had my parents follow that sensory guide toolbox when I was a kid. I couldn't explain why it "hurt" to make physical contact with people, why seemingly arbitrary things would give me head to toe shivers that I couldn't shake off. This was all dismissed as me being dramatic or wanting attention. But the worst was the ways I found to cope:
I found that eating a lot of paper and chewing (and I'm ashamed to say, eating) fabric helped me a lot. I'd secretly walk to a department store to buy bath towels and I'd "eat" one in about a month. Of course it was a gross habit, but it was an unstoppable compulsion. And everyday I hated myself when I'd excrete this shredded up fabric.
A classmate called me out in 8th grade, when in the middle of class, she said "Ascur it's disgusting how you're always eating paper" and it was just a horrible moment, I didn't even consider that other people would notice.
So things came to a head when I was 19 and got food poisoning, and was scared that the fabric had gotten stuck somewhere in my digestive tract. I told my parents we needed to go to the hospital and the whole situation, and of course it was just a whole mess of shame and being unable to explain myself.
Even after they found out, I'd still continue in secret, it was all I could look forward to on a day to day basis. I've since done CBT and discovered resources on dealing with this, but yeah, I just wanted to share how weird and hard it can be. So I really hope that kids today have access to these resources.