I'm dangerously close to stating common stereotypes so please take the following with good faith;

I knew a female engineer who was very good at her job (she was in networking), after having a child she discussed with her husband (also a network engineer at another company, roughly the same pay) about reducing her working hours.

He was fine with it, but he was open to also taking time off, she felt it was needed because she was the mother, purely her choice. Her manager took it graciously and put her down to 80% time.

However, one engineer resented that she was away 2-half-days a week, he ascribed values that he held to her and couldn't understand why she would want to be home with her kid instead of making more of her career.

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a male example: I have a close personal friend who is what you would call a manly-man.

His girlfriend obviously loves him, but his girlfriends best friend is not a fan of how he's "aloof", often she considers that he is secretly plotting something or is going to cheat on her. He lacks the empathy to be "seriously deep". He might even be a psychopath; by the way she tells it anyway.

The truth is that he's just a bigger guy and he is quiet, it's different when it's just me and him but with a large group he recedes into being very quiet.

She never made much of an effort to connect with him; but she judges him based on values she has, values about being open and warm and caring and smiley.

My mother has more "anecdotes" but the way things are is that it's not statistically backed. But it's a good rule of thumb to ensure that I at least try to understand someone else's values before I judge their actions (or, non-actions).