I don’t see it as backwards.

Autoplay video is like if the waiter just starts shaving parmesan on your salad. If you didn’t want it, you now have to pick the shavings off. Annoying.

Nonautoplay video is like the waiter asking “would you like cheese?” “Yes” “Ok” and they commence shaving it.

I don’t see why we should all have to pick cheese out of our salads because some people are too lazy to have a 3 second interaction to get what they want.

To extend the analogy, I would like to have the option to go to a restaurant (site) order a salad (visit a page) and have that come the way the chef (developer) intended, with cheese (autoplay video). If I don't like this developer or restaurant's judgement I can eat somewhere else. (Or, in the web case, install an extension that blocks autoplay video.)

Except most chefs in your analogy are having the quality, quantity, and proportion of ingredients dictated to them by an owner who may or may not know how to microwave popcorn.

I think the analogy is: I want to see the menu and select what I want to eat. But the chef is forcing me to consume it, with the cheese that I don't want, the instant I open the menu.

Are you still talking about browser option that everybody can set as desired?