"accept-all" style buttons are explicitly no longer allowed. This is a good thing as now on most websites I get a decline option that actually works, as opposed to previously where the options were "accept" or "gtfo".

Accept all what? If you're a regular business and aren't tracking your users, you (probably) don't need to show anything at all. As the article says, consent is just one of six legal bases for storing user data.

I disagree that the GDPR is "so much hassle". Just look at the checklist in the article, it's nothing special.