AUDITOR: So that's how you store these visits... wait, why are the values next to the URLs so... strange?

ALICE: Column A is the URL. Column B is just a token we use to ensure it's a valid entry, and it's the default sort. As you can see, it's gibberish. No personally identifiable information.

JANE: We deriv...

[JAKE hits JANE with his elbow, discreetly]

JAKE: We derive great pleasure from helping people connect with each other, is what Jane's saying. And that's something we truly believe in.

You would think they'd know how to access the data by now given all of their experience using it to target ads to specific users...

The amount of data they collect surely they stream much of it directly to log files. Those log files are not by user. You try reading and rewriting petabytes of data out of S3 to remove lines matching a specified ID.