I am not an american. But i have no one in my life. And unlike that 16 years old who feels lonely although she/he is in fact "surrounded by nice people", i am not surrounded by anyone. The funny thing is half an hour ago i wrote about what Ive been already knowing for a good decade: people are small coin. Bargaining chip. They come and go. What a coincidence. I decided to reiterate that because some situation reminded me of it, but I dont talk about it in absolutely most cases. I genuinely think that communication is mostly woethless and not to be spent time on. Had friends, had online friends, many of both types, had more than 200 skype contacts and got rid of them all.

Do I regret? It would be a lie to say yes. I almost dont reject any more connections since 2016, I hardly have any. I saved all the messages Ive been writing to anyone during the last 2 years. Its refresging to read them and see how much time you invested in taljing to someone who you have hard time remembering at all. I think Internet opened my eyes to this fact. Communication is worthless.

You know one other thing Ive benn thinking about last week? AVOID humans. I didnt write that anywhere back then. The essence of the idea is that networking is worthless. Waste of time. Talking to machines may spread your words 100x more than talking to humans. Just make a bot taljing on your behalf.

You may say that I will become self absorbed and self righteous for nothing because no one can correct me. Thats untrue. Occasionaly I can write like i do now, in a completely alien space. If i feel like it, i will return for answers and critique. But I dont want that, I will not return.

I read a lot of what others write and post and make and that keeps my thought going and helps me prevent it from becoming stale. The thing is, they are not writing or posting that TO me. But still I know what they think.

Honestly, I hugely dislike real life talking anymore. What a waste of everything. I wont lie, I can interrupt anyone who approaches me with a talk and say directly "I am not interested". Or "Dont talk to me". I dont care how they feel. Remember, they all are a passing substance, an ephemera, a hallucination. Dont get me wrong, they are real humans. But theres no need in caring about what they feel. There are too many humans. Today these, tomorrow others. Caring for what they think or what they want from you when you dont want anything from them is a waste of capacity.

You know whats funny. When you need something from them in return, you just come to them and ask. That easy. Funny bit is they, been rejected, still often do what you ask for. They are afraid to break the thousand-year-old lie saying "what you give is what you get". No such thing.