I have a similar story. It wasn't a phase. It was a daily occurrence for 2 decades. On a good day, it's easy to tell that voice to go to hell. On a day with depressive triggers... those suggestion cut deep, and deepened every spiral I'd find myself on.

I found a clean source, I get it tested independently. I take a few milligrams once every 1-4 weeks, depending on my stress / trauma load. Early on, I'd take some whenever the voice came back. Now I've learned what the edge feels like, I dose early enough to maintain silence.

I understand why pharmaceutical companies wanna keep this as a last resort. I've seen the treatment programs -- they're k-hole doses; nothing like what's been working for me. But there's no profit regimines like mine. And maybe it won't work more often than a placebo. But it's worked for me and that's what matters.