FWIW, when I was 24 my dream was to move to a small house in the woods of Vermont, and I was sure I'd never leave New England (I grew up in a small town between Lexington and Concord). Moved to Silicon Valley because I also wanted to found a startup and the Bay Area is realistically the only place for that, and besides, Google had just offered me a job and was paying for my relocation.

Don't underestimate how much your culture can change, particularly if you're young and go into life with an open mind. It's one thing if you have no desire for whatever might bring you to a big city, but if you do have that desire but are stopped because of the nauseating feeling of how your lifestyle & culture might change, that feeling does pass.

Did you just explain why his feelings and culture are wrong with 'you can change'?

> Did you just explain why his feelings and culture are wrong with 'you can change'?

Where in nostrademons' comment did they the parents culture and feelings "wrong"?

NYC is such a big city that you can find everything and everyone here. You're more likely to feel out of place culturally in a small city if you can't find your subculture there, whereas in NYC your subculture is guaranteed to exist. How many hacker groups, meetups, and conventions does random small city have, for example? Or gaming? Or anime? Or comics? We've got all that in spades.

It is still a city. Is it that hard to accept that not everyone wants to live in a city, never mind a metropolis like NYC?

By definition those who don’t want density aren’t located densely enough in a place that a high end tech company can relocate to.

But the old IBM campuses outside of NYC are actually like this. They are usually one or two hours from NYC, in really leafy forested areas...basically country side. People commuting from the city to those places (eg Yorktown in West Chester) are the first ones google attracted with their In-City office, they were extremely successful just because they were in the city and IBM wasn’t.

The problem, though, is that the density outside of cities doesn't exist to support the talent pool required for a large office of a major multinational corporation. By the time you've added enough people to have a sustainable population for the highest tier of a given industry -- which includes multiple alternative employers plus the whole attendant service industry -- you end up with a city.

Of course I accept that not everyone wants to live in a city. The point is, though, that you have to make serious sacrifices if that's your first priority -- you need to either accept a long miserable commute, or acknowledge that you're limiting your ability to grow into the top tier of your chosen profession. Cities have very real beneficial network effects for businesses.

My city is small compared to NYC (about 1mill people) and we have all of that.

I am of a completely opposite opinion, at 24 (now), I wouldn't want to stay in any sparsely populated place.

The likes of NY, Boston are my perfect city. Everything I need is by my doorstep, don't need to own a car (or use it regularly) and can find not-unreasonable rents if I have roommates and don't stay in cheaper locations. (eg. Allston in Boston)

I work in a Boston suburb and can't imagine staying in such a drab place, unless I had a family, kids and all. Almost everyone there is older than me and almost entirely invested in family living. Everything from conversations to activities lack any sense of freshness and feel routine. Don't get me wrong, people seem to be happy there. But, a lot of it hinges on their family and social relationships built with people over many years.

I don't see myself having either of those things at least till I am in my mid 30s. Even then, I would probably live in a condo where human density is larger, rather than suburban sprawls.

In my experience, suburban living comes at the turning point of the exploration-exploitation curve. People who want to explore, will stay in urban locations and see out new experiences .... Until they start feeling good about a certain local optima and "settle down" on it.

My hypothesis is that tech workers usually slog it out in till they get a job (usually in their early-mid twenties) and then start the exploration phase, that may have come sooner for other majors. As a result they prefer staying in cities for longer and till an older age than other majors.

I have noticed this among my peers, but of course it is anecdotal and have no idea how well it will generalize.

But you seem to want to work at a big tech company and exactly what do you mean out of place culturally?

I as a white brit enjoyed working (London UK) for an Arab company which was incredibly diverse - just with I had take a language class at night school.

Not OP, but likely city life vs countryside stuff. Cafes/theatres/etc vs fishing/hiking/woodworking/whatever. Lakeside BBQ in the woods with no people around vs busy park. Everybody-knows-everybody vs big city anonimity. And all that stuff that isn't related to skin color or ethnicity.