That's a fantastic idea.

What about a babel plugin to transform all code into fetches to a proprietary REST API? By doing all of the work for them, we'd ensure reliability with common operations like + and /, which obviously means we eliminate the need for tests! This would allow devs to move and break things even faster, while we/I collect $10–$20 per 10,000 API calls.

E.g.,

  // Regular code
  console.log(3 + 2);

  // Transpiled code
  console.log(await fetch('http://fetchify.io/add/3/2'));

  // Regular code

  const isFive = (x === 5);

  // Transpiled code
  const isFive = await fetch(`http://fetchify.io/equality/strict/${x}/5`)
    .then(body => body.text());

Some of this is almost too easy to understand though, therefore it's pretty amateurish and we're not doing proper programming. What about something like:

  // Regular code
  const thirty = 5 * 6;

  // Transpiled code
  let $$_tmp1;
  const thirty = (
    $$_tmp1 = await fetch(`http://fetchify.io/multiply/5/6`),
    $$_tmp1 = await $$_tmp1.text(),
    $$_tmp1 = parseInt($$_tmp1, 10), $$_tmp1
  );

Even some seasoned developers aren't aware of this syntax, so it's perfect.