I think one source of my woes is the proverbial "golden handcuffs". Yes, I have a lot of money already. But, I'm expected to continue operating as I have been for multiple years to come (and yes, there is a strong financial incentive to perform). Willful failure to perform could bring lawsuits, resignations, bankruptcy, who knows.
To my rationale, I already committed to n additional years of start-up-hustle level work (100% growth per year for multiple years). There is a strong financial incentive to complete this. If I willfully fail to perform I risk essentially bankruptcy.
I'm aware that I said in my previous post that I don't really need the money. But, at the same time I do? I have a mortgage, wife, (soon) children. I do regret almost all significant life choices I've made to date currently, but now that I'm here it's overly painful to get out (I think?).
Sorry for the rant. Lots of pressure. I should probably start writing in a journal instead of posting my thoughts publicly online.
When I made a throwaway some years ago, I also made a gmail and put it in the throwaway's profile. I ended up getting a lot of supportive emails that helped me through a rough time. Some of the advice was stuff that can't really be shared publicly too, which was useful.
I empathize a lot with the expectation to continue doing your job, and it's worth addressing. Take care of yourself.
I shut everything down and went and got a full time job.
It’s only after a year of not working more than 40hrs a week have I realised how close to the wind I sailed (burnout co-incided with some serious health issues).
Now I work 9-5 for a decent wage and have time for my partner, her boy and my hobbies (Chess and cycling).
We are fortunate, we work in an in demand industry, from deciding I just wanted to go work for someone else to getting a job took 9 days.
My point is that if the money isn’t making you happy then take a few weeks off mull over what you want, write it down, put it in an envelope and open that envelope in 3mths, if it’s still what you want then go for it.
The only thing certain in life is none of us have enough time.
I'm going to do this. Thank you. I have a leisure trip planned soon for 2 weeks (first time ever taking >1 week off at a time). I will do it then.
Don't worry so much about it, likely you're a bit burned out and feel trapped when you're actually more free than most people.