There are times where I would've likely made poor decisions during an acute panic attack that was aborted quickly by benzos. The ability to say "stop now" -- hell, even the security of know there's a way to say "stop now" -- is important to coping with anxiety.
I took them infrequently at the beginning, like you now, 1 or 2 a month max and the past few years, I haven't taken any. I didn't even realize the connection to "Benzos" until ~6 month ago when a construction worker friend said all his coworkers were on it and I connected the dots.
Just having access to the pills for me is enough to keep my anxiety in check, hopefully something I can stop relying on some day. My doctor is moving, so I need to find another one who will be just my 3rd doctor in my 32 years of life. I hadn't thought about it until just now, but I am hope my new doctor will be as facilitating.
While techniques like CBT, meditation, diet have helped me a lot to fight my fears, there have been situations which I had to rely on meds to power thru - I call it going nuclear.
Taking an SSRI has helped a lot, but there are times where I can feel a panic attack coming and know the only way to stop it is with a Xanax.
I regard benzodiazepines with a lot of respect. Their power is a blessing and a curse. Used responsibly, I believe they can be a very effective and safe tool to live a normal life free of panic attacks.
At this point, I rarely take them - one dose every month or two at most. But the knowledge that I have a tool to quell a panic attack, should I need it, has actually done more for me than the pills themselves. Knowing I’m not powerless gives me the strength to overcome the panic attacks on my own.
Recently, I’ve noticed doctors becoming more and more apprehensive about prescribing benzodiazepines. This is definitely a good thing - I think they should be reserved for severe cases as a last resort. But I also worry about a future where people who could have benefited greatly from them without abuse are denied a prescription.