On my windows 7 I just calculated sum for all processes and I got exactly the same number as displayed for RAM used on Performance tab.
For anyone interested to repeat it fast, run this in powershell:
Get-Process | Format-Table WorkingSet > c:\data.txt
Import contents in excel and sum all cells.
The only reliable way to learn the memory consumption of a process is to somehow make sure other processes don't allocate/deallocate memory, kill the process in question and watch the difference in global memory consumption.