Like many others, I've lived this. The worst is over, and currently I'm merely deep in debt, without material possessions, and signing over my entire paycheck as alimony (yes, all of it). Although my life is currently worth living, knowing what I now know, it would have been better to have simply opted out, rather than go through the years of hell. And that's an awful thing to be able to say.

Each situation is its own, but in general, in the USA marriage is a poor choice for men. If your ex turns evil or crazy, there will be no warning and no mercy.

And relationship success is strongly correlated to economic factors. Bad economic conditions always lead to rises in divorce and crime.

I wonder who downvoted this. It is statistically true and anecdotally, it is easier to keep relationship cool when you are not in constant stress from lack of money or hungry or simply can leave job if they treat you badly in this one.

It's not really surprising that middle-aged men who have been raked over the coals in a divorce and left with a hole they'll never get out of, would opt for an end to the pain.

Agreed. Divorce is one of the most financially devastating events that can happen in one’s life. The longer I’m alive, the longer I recommend to people to never get married. Live together, but keep your finances separate (does not apply in community property states; watch out!).

I doubt I will be able to recover from mine. I'm paying $1700 per month in child support for two kids, even though I have custody of them 45% of the time. I have Smith-Ostler riders to collect 12% from any bonus, stock option sales, RSUs, etc. I basically have to restart from scratch on my 401k, as that was used to pay off the divorce costs and equalizations. I finished paying off spousal support, which was another $1800 per month, but now I am so far in the hole that I doubt I will ever dig out. It's been over two years since the divorce, but I am still struggling just to make my mortgage every month.

I don't know if people on HN (who I assume a majority of are high earners) realize just how much money you can be on the hook for if you have a motivated ex-spouse with an attorney. My ex was a stay-at-home mom with a side business as a photographer. Good luck getting a fair shake in court when you get a W-2 salary, and the other party runs their own business.

Edit: typo - I have 45% custody, not 55% custody.

Prenuptial agreements are a thing. Though there's probably some sound thinking behind the point of view that if you aren't willing to get married without a prenup, then you really shouldn't be getting married.

Good luck actually getting that pre-nup enforced in court!

Just don't get married, unless you are ready to lose it all if it goes south.

Or you can marry someone who doesn't consider divorce an option, for example a devout Catholic. Of course that assumes they will stick to their beliefs in the face of temptation, and observably many do not.

The suicidal feelings are generally temporary. Only 10-15% of people who unsuccessfully attempt suicide try again successfully. The linked study shows a high percentage of causes that are temporary like relationship trouble or crises within a one-month window.

And that may be a useful perspective in many instances, but it doesn't tell the real story.

Those feelings are certainly not temporary for those who are successful and are also unlikely to be temporary for the people left in the wake of a successful attempt. My best friend killed himself in the 5th grade, then another very, very close friend in the 8th. I've known 3 other people who I would call a friend who have killed themselves. I'm 37 years old and I still think of these people. I don't dwell, but I certainly do remember these events and their supposed causes clearly.

Source?

It's in the post...