>Often even making that straight-faced, respectful, comparable request will end a relationship. It's sad but it must be done.

This is the best way to ferret out narcissists. You cut ties, but they don't necessarily hate you. They just forget you exist. At least until they need something from you again.

I once had a co-worker who was more senior than me on our project (the business lead (I was software lead)) tell me that I was needed in a "very important meeting" during lunch the next day.

Unfortunately, I had plans to meet with a friend for lunch - and that friend was moving away the following afternoon. When I told my coworker that I was not going to attend the meeting during that time under any circumstances he lost his shit ...and I calmly and sternly told him he can take it up with my boss.

I walked away from that conversation thinking "well shit, it was fun while it lasted", Surprisingly my co-worker cooled down, dealt with the meeting situation, and never said a word to my boss. To boot, he _never_ lost his shit like that with me again and we've had a pretty good friendship ever since.

I don't find it sad to end a bad relationship. If someone only intends to "use" me and has nothing to offer, that isn't much of a loss.

It's a bit sad to face the the reality than to blissfully believe the person is a friend.