This reads me like the lowest part of a burnout episode. I don't mean to trivialize the author's experience...I'm sure their experience and what they are describing is very real. But when you're experiencing a defeat (even a defeat not caused by a single specific event), it can compound the whole "what am I doing with my life" feeling.

I hope the author gets back into open source though eventually. We need people who can bring levels of correctness that mathematics students tend to pursue. Even if its complicated, it can push the artform forward, and everyone else will adapt.