It’s an iPad 2. There is a 2cm scratch on top right of the screen from where I went skating on it getting out of bed and there is a big dent on bottom from a child dropping it. The back is scuffed as all hell from a life of pain and the Smart Cover has worn the aluminium on the side so far through that it’s almost black. The speaker does odd things regularly from the time it got watered.

How do you even remember that? Regardless, my stuff is in perfect condition, I could only say what emails I got yesterday or what apps I have installed, I guess...

Model, Case/Skin, Charge, Lock screen image. . .

M8, Supcase, Fuck if I know, Default Android 5....

Yeah, I'll take the damn bus.

Apple offers free engraving. My iPod used to say "Stolen from Ted Unangst" on the back.

That would seem to be detrimental to resale value

That's like when Buster Keaton asked a lady to describe a dollar bill.

Hadn't seen that before -- it's in "Sherlock Jr." :

https://youtu.be/cC1aD7e4ZHs?t=256

(There's a bit more to the bit -- give it a couple of minutes).