I think that's good advice, but I also do think I'm missing something. For some reason I am just not at ease around others, and I don't get it. I think I lack a sense of self, there's always a need for confirmation from others, not that you would think so if you knew me.
Essentially, there is something missing and I feel disconnected from others. I cannot engage them on an intuitive level, I engage them on an analytical level which tries to look natural, because my intuition is not normal, i.e. doesn't sync with most people. I think this is true for many introverts, and is why they tend to be exhausted by social interaction.
Re:Ask YC: Best ways to become socially adept?
by OpenWebU on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @02:45AM
(#170356)
My brother just came back from the Hoffman Institute - an intensive 9 day seminar where they address how to have genuine and connected communications - picking up on patterns, and in a group therapy setting, reworking those patterns so you are reconnected... http://www.hoffmaninstitute.org/
Re:Ask YC: Best ways to become socially adept?
by petercooper on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @11:47PM
(#171260)
Are you uneasy even around your closest contacts, though? (friends, family, etc.) If so, then yes, there's probably something worth working at.
In my case, I get on ferociously well with a handful of people, but almost no-one else (at least, not for longer than an hour or two). That's good enough for me, but if ALL social interaction is a problem for you, then best of luck with your journey! :)
I tried becoming more "socially adept" for quite a while, but even though I can put on a pretty lively appearance on the outside, it's just not me. I'm an introvert and I accept that.
One of the best bits of advice I've heard recently is to "focus on strengths, not weaknesses." That is, there's no point hammering away improving at things you're bad at, and ending up mediocre at everything, if you can focus on the things you already kick ass at and become world class!
Most people who are socially inept tend only to be so with the public or people who are not considered close to them. Take Stanley Kubrick. He got a reputation for being an appallingly bad socializer, yet most of his closest contacts talk about what a friendly and amazing person he was.
So.. enough people are socially awkward, or even downright grating, but are or were world class in their field. These people should be an inspiration. Don't hammer away at making yourself a socially popular person if it takes energy away from being kickass.. because if you're kickass, you don't need many social skills.