I know because I have a circle of close friends that I only see once or twice a year, but stay in touch with through email. Guess what: it works. And if you migrate, you just email your friends about it.

Similarly, although I don't know if this is generally possible in every country, but I have diligently carried over my first mobile phone number from carrier to carrier. When I moved abroad to Sweden for a few years, I switched to the absolute cheapest minimal carrier to essentially "invest" in keeping that phone identity. This means that people who met me as far back as the late nineties can still reach me on it. Friends that I have made later even know they can rely on this, that this is my "policy". I'm about to leave Sweden for Germany. Still keeping that Dutch phone number. In fact, I'm leaving it with all of my friends here, and use it for all the messaging apps that rely on phone numbers.

And finally, just claim your own bit of internet and get a website. Your friends can search for you.

This is so far removed from how I interact with the world around me that I have a hard time empathising. I’ll keep it scientific and factual: more than once, I’ve gone back to a place I visited over a decade ago. I went on Facebook, found the person that used to live there, got in touch, and had varying types of “fun”, as humans call it. The crucial point here is that I can’t tell in advance which places, until I decide to go.

I… your suggestion for the future is to “not think about them”? Ehh.. no thank you?

You should have the foresight to write down their contact details. You meet a person, exchange contact details. Save it in your phone or cloud or what ever. Is that too hard? Will you run out of storage space if you save contact info for every person you meet? But hey, that requires a moments thought. Am I going to have to contact this person? No, we can't spent working a couple of neurons for that thought. I think people should use their heads more. To exercise fore sight. To actually remember birth dates etc, to plan things with out constantly "updating" on a mobile phone/social media...

I personally dont use Facebook, but youre not actually painting a realistic picture

What if the other person did all these and didn't update facebook? Tough luck. Move on. Right?

Same thing. If they changed email, and didn't keep phone number etc, then they probably don't want you to contact them anyway...

Maybe. Or maybe you completely misunderstood what I said:

> I… your suggestion for the future is to “not think about them”? Ehh.. no thank you?

I didn't suggest anything of the sort. I claimed that when I lose touch with people, it is because they're not on my mind, and am I not being reminded of them through external means (like Facebook). Per definition you cannot really miss something that is not on your mind, now can you? This isn't a conscious decision, it's just an acceptance of the fact that I cannot know everything, and that everything must pass. If they are on my mind, however, I choose to take action and stay in touch.

So the real reason you can't empathise with me is that you're not understanding me. I am not telling you to not think about friends. I am saying: would you have remembered and missed someone if Facebook hadn't reminded you of their existence? Are you even aware of how many people you have met that you don't remember? Do you miss them? Hint: you don't, again by definition.

Think of advertising and how much of it revolves around creating the feeling that you are missing something and that this void needs to be filled, or that you are missing out on something that really, you don't.

> more than once, I’ve gone back to a place I visited over a decade ago. I went on Facebook, found the person that used to live there, got in touch, and had varying types of “fun”, as humans call it.

Real classy implication that I am a robot there.

Look, I do this all the time myself. Tell me where I am stating anything that would suggest I don't. The only part where I disagree with you is the implication that Facebook is the only way to find old friends.

In fact, the opposite is true: putting in the effort to track someone down is immensely gratifying and builds connections in ways that "staying in touch" via seeing each others Facebook timeline isn't. I put effort into staying in touch with the people I love. Very robotic, clearly.

Meanwhile, Facebook creates this false sense of safety, of still being part of a community we don't actually put effort in, because our brains think that popping up on each others Facebook wall a good enough approximation of actual IRL contact to be nearly fooled by it.

> The crucial point here is that I can’t tell in advance which places, until I decide to go.*

I fail to see how this affects anything about your supposed need for Facebook? I know where most of my old friends live. Whenever know I'm going to visit their city, I send them an email, a text message, or even a hand-written letter on occasion.

It is clearly possible to do without Facebook and the fact that people use the "but how will I stay connected to my friends/how will I know about events" lines so much proves just how good Facebook has gotten at keeping people addicted.

I would encourage you to disable your account and stay off of it for six weeks. I think you'll be surprised at the results.

For me at least, there is one app that's starting to mitigate #3 (if not specifically "fill" the gap): WhatsApp. Granted, it's also owned by Facebook, so we're almost back at square one, but it's still an interesting case simply because it doesn't fill the gap, but rather works around it. Which gives me a bit more hope that other tools could too.

WhatsApp does two things:

1. Creates a network from your (possibly completely offline) "rolodex" (phone contact list). And augments these contacts with info specific to their ecosystem.

2. Adds discovery. Through groups, I can connect with new contacts. Similar to Facebook's "suggest friend" feature.

My general point here is the an autoupdating rolodex is only required in a closed ecosystem. WhatsApp does do it's level best to close off its ecosystem, but it's a different paradigm to Facebook, and one currently dependent on existing phone numbers, so it ends up a little more open, and for me seems like a nice demo of how hooking into existing networks (people's saved contact lists) can get you pretty far.

Have you considered that maybe there cannot be a facebook replacement that won't suffer the same problems? Deleting facebook isn't a painless thing to do, it requires some sacrifice on your part.

As usual its the critical mass problem but facebook has done nothing particularly technologically inovative.

Some of them are less technically proficient that rely on whomever their current ISP or employer is for email. Some of them are more technically proficient and use changing email addresses as an Inbox Zero technique or as a nuclear option in spam fighting.

Releasing the cronjob whenever I'm finished making it a chrome extension. I suppose this business is a pretty good inducement towards getting done a bit faster.

Its definitely the latter. Not because there is something inherently bad about staying in touch. It is because you do so despite the knowledge that you are not doing it at zero cost to others who care about their privacy. Analogy: I wish I could just throw all my garbage over into my neighbors premises rather than walk all the way down to the recycle bin. But I don't. I am actually violating their personal space. By using Facebook, you are also violating the privacy of folks who disagree with your view, and this is now open knowledge.

And things don't even out if my neighbors are also doing the same to their neighbors over on the other side (but, but, everyone is on Facebook!). Ultimately, all of us will end up living amidst a pile of stinking garbage, which is an excellent analogy to what is happening with social networks today.

It's not just looking at what others broadcast. Facebook keeps track of your likes, your navigation patterns, and let others access that. So not only do they know what your friend broadcast, they know who is watching, when, how frequently.

Finally, there's the social pressure. I have been a victim 2 years back: forced to subscribed to Facebook because my orchestra were using it to communicate loads of important information (I have since deleted that account). By watching your friend's broadcast on Facebook, you contribute to, or at least fail to counter, that social pressure.

That said, I reckon you're probably a victim that social pressure as well. I won't throw the first stone.

On Leaving Facebook: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=16640855