Maybe I'll be after you for that contract soon :-)

We've developed a bit of a different style where I'm her 'safety net' for the things she still puts pressure on herself to do. Like washing/ironing and cooking. Cleaning has mainly been resolved and we do what's needed when needed. House organisation/upkeep is mine, all critical kids care is mine.

But everything else we pretty much just communicate with each other. That seems to have been the key to success so far.

I wonder if that's enculturated from how she was raised or could be our remaining societal pressures/expectations of women (her friend group?) at work despite rhetoric otherwise?

I asked her - it's both.

Ah, yeah, there we go I guess. I know as a unmarried straight, white male that expectations are pretty low for me but married women (esp. with kids) seem to be in a catch-22 with all this. The Guardian had a series of articles a while back talking with women about careers and parenthood. It takes a lot of energy to fight against stuff you grew up with as well as conscious or unconscious societal forces.

There's also the factor of having done one thing a certain way for a long time, getting a little possessive of it or thinking it's better. "Well, if you do it like this...". :-/

At least y'all are talking about it and you seem to be concerned with having a good balance.