She does not sound mentally capable of nurturing a child. If I were you, I'd leverage my stable income job and stable background to try go get custody. You can still allow her to live with your child, but it is important that you are the one making important decisions about your child's upbringing, and to keep her safe. Talk to a lawyer.

Did you spoke to the lawyer? The judge ruling in her favor would not be worst for you then it is now. If she risk being homeless, the child might even end up with you. In which case you dont have to fear irregular lifestyle you fear now. And if you ended up with shared custody, you would still have more control over what is going on with kid, was able to intervene sooner and still did not had to pay as much as you pay now.

Do some research into living with someone with borderline personality disorder. Only someone qualified can make the diagnosis but for those that may be involved with someone with bpd learning about bpd can help them better navigate the relationship, set boundaries and better protect their own mental health.

The early childhood abuse, unstable relationships and “the void” seem like a strong fit.

Ok, thank you, I will look into BPD.

There's a point of view that says it's easier to 'control' finances while you're married then when you're divorced.

One possibly good outcome is she has no access to your finances and you stay married. That way no court orders you to do anything.

Definitely recommend spend $1k with a divorce attorney to see your options.

If she'd be on the streets, that's her choice. Give her an ultimatum and let her live with the consequences.

That's what my current goal is, granted I haven't spoken to a lawyer yet which I will now. I truly believe she will never go through a court or even try to get a divorce. She doesn't "believe" in legal matters.

Thanks for the advice. Going to seek those options.

From what you’ve described, she’s easily impressionable. I suspect her hippie commune followers will encourage her and sway her opinion to go see a lawyer. Especially when you cut off financial support.

A person who is close to me has went through something similar.

I would admonish that you get a lawyer ASAP and talk out your options. This needs to be handled legally before someone does something they regret.

I've seen this kind of scenario before. Don't let circumstances bleed you dry. Take decisive action to clear up the financial questions and go to a judge/lawyer if that's what it takes. Keep records of every dollar that goes anywhere, evidence of infidelity, etc.

You can always decide to be more generous later, but let that be your decision, not hers or some disinterested third party that will assume that you went on living this way because you consented.

please speak to a lawyer if you haven't already

Yeah I guess I really need to. I’ve been scared to do so.

You should be much more scared of what might happen if you do not.

Hiring a lawyer isn't something you'll regret for years, not doing so on the other hand...