Although, for us, it was always a spherical chicken.
Think of the universe as a rubber sheet over a table, being stretched in all directions. My understanding is that cosmic background radiation is on the rubber, stretching and moving with it just like all the matter is. If background radiation were on the table instead, there would be exactly one spot on the rubber that saw no motion relative to it, while spots very far away from that spot would see a huge amount of motion. If you went out far enough, you'd be seeing hard radiation from half the sky.
Or, as another view, though I find this one harder to think about, since here the expansion of the universe seems to confuse rather than clarify things: The background radiation you see at any given point is simply the photons radiated inward from a sphere of a very large radius centered on that point. Every point has its own such sphere, and if an observer sees a dipole component in its background radiation, it means that that observer is in motion relative to the average motion of the matter that those photons originally came out of.
Here's a hint: It's relevant that the person is drunk. Another hint: Newton's third law.
That said, he’s drunk, so the answer is to piss into the luminiferous aether.
By some strange mechanism he is able to make himself start spinning. At first it is worse: in one direction the reverse gravity increases in effect! So he reverses and is relieved to find that in the other it slowly abates. Though the sweet relief is strange. Because if he goes too far in that direction, he finds that the expulsatory force begins to increase again.
But eventually he finds the sweet spot and stays there, relieved, to find himself not being pulled apart. "This", he says to himself, "I shall call an inertial reference frame. It is so much more relaxing than the others."