Re:The Depression Thing
by marcus_holmes on Wednesday October 11, 2017 @11:24PM
(#15455434)
I was fighting this with my depression.
I used to say to myself "just put your running gear on. You don't have to leave the house. But you can put your running gear on".
then "OK, now go outside. You don't have to run. Just go outside"
some days I would turn around and go back in. And I've have to be OK with that, too. No point beating myself up for it. Some days were not running days.
once outside, I'd be "OK, now run to the end of the street". If I could do that, then most of the time I'd be off and could do 5 km's.
Some days I'd get to the end of the street and stop.
The temptation to beat myself up for the bad days was immense. Huge. Everything in my schooling and upbringing told me that I should just push through the reluctance and "just do it!". But for me, down that road lies worse depression. Being able to say to myself "today is not a running day, and that's OK" was a path out of the intense self-criticism that got me depressed in the first place.
It didn't help that exercise had been used as a punishment in school - "you boy, you're late, run twice around the field!". My schooling had taught me that exercise was punishment. I found it hard to run because I felt like I was punishing myself for something. But if I didn't run then I would criticise myself.
I've got a better handle on it now. Some days I run. Some days I don't. It's up to me. I enjoy running, and enjoy how it makes me feel, so I do it more often than not. But if I don't want to, I won't, and no-one has the right to criticise me for that. Not even me ;)
I used to say to myself "just put your running gear on. You don't have to leave the house. But you can put your running gear on".
then "OK, now go outside. You don't have to run. Just go outside"
some days I would turn around and go back in. And I've have to be OK with that, too. No point beating myself up for it. Some days were not running days.
once outside, I'd be "OK, now run to the end of the street". If I could do that, then most of the time I'd be off and could do 5 km's.
Some days I'd get to the end of the street and stop.
The temptation to beat myself up for the bad days was immense. Huge. Everything in my schooling and upbringing told me that I should just push through the reluctance and "just do it!". But for me, down that road lies worse depression. Being able to say to myself "today is not a running day, and that's OK" was a path out of the intense self-criticism that got me depressed in the first place.
It didn't help that exercise had been used as a punishment in school - "you boy, you're late, run twice around the field!". My schooling had taught me that exercise was punishment. I found it hard to run because I felt like I was punishing myself for something. But if I didn't run then I would criticise myself.
I've got a better handle on it now. Some days I run. Some days I don't. It's up to me. I enjoy running, and enjoy how it makes me feel, so I do it more often than not. But if I don't want to, I won't, and no-one has the right to criticise me for that. Not even me ;)