Was that acid or ayahuasca? Did you do multiple days?
I’ve done acid a handful of times. I’ve luckily never had a “bad trip” but I did have to untangle a friend from a coil of barbed wire which he thought was jungle vines.
Another time (I’m from Florida) I went out during a tropical storm (we don’t take those seriously) with a shovel and a laminated note from myself reminding me “everything is OK, but go inland if the water gets above your belly button” and buried myself waste deep in the sand at the beach to force myself to watch the storm. That was a crazy night.
Lightening is weird when it sticks to the ground permanently.
I did 5 tabs my first time without realizing how strong acid was. I had no reference, no preparation, no warning. I was just thrown into the deep end. It was so intense that I didn't even remember entering the trip, I wasn't sure if I just died or how I got there. It took, what I would have perceived as lifetimes for me to ground myself and realize what was going on.
I say the "perceived lifetimes" because there was literally times where I'd experience trips that absolutely took hours in perceived time, but they would always be interrupted by my friend's snore in the next room. His snore was the trigger for a loop to reset.
One in particularly was when I was "arguing" with myself about how of course my mental reality was less accurate than real reality, and my brain was telling me that it actually doesn't know the difference and that the only reality is what it knows. Then after me arguing that it's mental models were inferior, the next thing I know I'm walking down a sidewalk, feeling the heat of the sun and everything. I'm talking with my friend, explaining the trip to him and how happy I am that it's over. But he just keeps smiling at me strangely and asks "you don't get it yet?", to which I respond, "what are you talking about." To which he says "nothing, never mind," and we keep walking. Then I hear a snore, that shakes the whole entire space. I look at my friend, he smiles. I realize that the whole thing was conjured up. He looks at me and says "That's what it's all about." and then the trip collapses back to a more abstract meta-mind space. That walk was for at least 20 minutes. But it all happened between two snores. Absolutely wild.
I got myself into that mess a few times with the whole “we got ripped off let’s take it all just in case” just to realize I didn’t get ripped off and the first thing I always think when it kicks in is “I got ripped off”
Now as a grown up(ish) it’s turned into “I got ripped off, oh never mind I’m high this is fine”
My second time I only did 1 tab and it was much more sane and I was intact with reality. The amazing thing about that experience was that when watching the sky and trees, I saw pinks and purples that don't exist as typical colors and they would move between dark and light shades following very intricate patterns. This would also cause my do shift from happy to sad and back. Eventually, after a long time, I realized what I was seeing was the pattern of the wind flowing through everything. Was amazing because I'm pretty sure it's something we don't typically consciously think about. :)
I wonder if it's because information flows in cycles throughout the brain. Any thought that you would be aware of is because your brain observed its own thought, thus starting the thought cycle over again. It would seem that this just repeats continuously as your brain thinks. :)
The actual result could not have been more different. I'll Nope out of that one, thank you.
I don't know if any words can truly do it justice. I truly think it's an ineffable experience. :)
What is this? A screen for ants?
It's more than "fun", much more profound, it's Everything, perhaps the single most important thing. It's ineffable, yet, you still feel obligated to try and explain it, as I'm doing. You may experience total happiness, love, wholeness, but then seconds later experience the exact opposite, total depression, despair, loneliness, humiliation, fear, violence. You may experience a plane of existence where you ARE time, and you see how time affects everything at once, as a result, it's a feeling of timelessness, you can see everything happening, a feeling of eternal existence. Perhaps you will then see that the same way events are connected together to form the feeling of time, in fact, everything you know is connected together in your brain, you can move through any of the connections, not just temporal. You may experience realities similar to your own, perhaps many at once, but you may also be catapulted into a completely geometric and abstract universe of inexplicable nature, but you'll feel as if you understand it, as long as you don't try and describe it in language. You may "see" the fundamental structure of sound and music as your various neural compartments cross-fire and visual cortex processes sound or sound cortex process visual data. You may "see" sexuality. You may see good and evil and the necessary duality of the two. For that matter you may see the dualistic relationship of everything. Everything exists because defining non-existence commands the definition of existence. You may see the fundamental feedback loop where perception meets the internal mental model your brain builds to interpret reality. Wait? feedback loop? You don't even know which side is real, cause-effect is completely broken down, it's now a Strange Loop. You may then see, truly see, that your whole entire known reality, including everything you see and perceive to be "outside" of your body is all actually inside your brain. You're trapped, this is your reality. You will likely discover/meet your inner self, you will realize that the consciousness really is the tip of the iceberg as you get rocketed inward into your deep sub consciousness, which has a mind of it's own. Also, for me, it knew everything I was thinking in advance. So when I'd make a joke or expression it would react with "why are you responding to me, I'm the one that told you what you think", so you learn to just shut up and enjoy the ride. It will likely be so beautiful and significant that you may even question if what you experienced was a divine experience. It will be so intense that you will have had a glimpse as to what a super consciousness or hyper-intelligence may look like, as you become even more aware of how small your conscious mind really is in comparison to the whole. You may feel as if all, everything, every person is connected. For example, the knowledge of good vs evil, and the gradient between, and hot and cold, and temperatures between, are these really different things? After all, in your brain they are both represented as neural connections, a graph if you will. And is it just the interpretation of the neural pattern that gives them meaning? The brain just being a massive network of brain cells, where the fundamental unit is a connection, you may realize, no wonder the foundation of human reasoning is also limited to the notion of stateful logic. Perhaps, after 10 hours of this, you start to want to come back to reality, but you learned something very important this day. You can't go back, you don't, part of you has transcended to Buddha-hood. But you're a stubborn human, you fight to come back, that fighting, rooted in fear, fear is linked to many other negative memories, they may take command of your brain. Have you went crazy? Did you just forgo your conscious existence as you knew it? Then you're sitting there, watching yourself in a mental institution as your family is there crying wondering what happened to you, but communication with them is futile as you have transcended, but part of you, is stuck in that body, for 50 years as you've realized that this infinite experience is just a bit more than you asked for. But that's just one of the many negative things you dream up! Of course, acid is illegal where you lived, so that random sound is the cops showing up and escorting you out. Or perhaps you wake up naked and vulnerable outside, but it's just a trip, as you rock back and forth between the meta-mind-space and all these false realities. (a process called "looping") You face all your fears and inner personal problems, you confront your selfish ego, and all the negative things about yourself, you're embarrassed of yourself as your mind is nakedly exposed. Just as you got to see all the beauty of nature, you also realize how messed up you and everything is. It's hard, very hard, but you face it and accept it. This is what some people call a "bad trip", but to me, that is precisely what made it a "good trip". You eventually grab on to pieces of reality, one at a time, until you finally come all the way back. It takes many hours, and days to process everything. You're never really sure if you ever came back. But you don't mind. You've experienced enlightenment. You're at peace with yourself and the universe, if there's even a difference. You have a new appreciation for everything. But similarly, you also realize the empty, void of meaning nature of the universe. For some people this is all too much. For me, this was the ultimate lens into "reality", and gave me a new spark and energy for life that is unparalleled to any previous experience.
A small side note: This feels very great to have finally shared. It has been melting inside me to get out.