A rude person that becomes conscious of the way it comes across to act disrespectfully may still be an rude inside, but if he/she is in control of the disrespectful behavior then I count that as real change.

This kind of relativism is what it's all about. The ends don't justify the means because the ends are part of the means. But here we don't have that problem because to us only the end is visible. Or, the issue here is that you think the change is pretend where another considers it part of completion of a full change.

It's not pretend change, there is actual change in the behavior. That is something real.