This seems slightly absurd. Tech is one of the few jobs which people move into after taking it up as a hobby, and for which doing it as a hobby is almost seen as a requirement. This is not generally what happens for doctors, nurses, lawyers, accountants, teachers or surveyors. Other jobs for which this applies are generally very poorly paid for the vast majority e.g. actor, footballer, musician, etc. Although many people do go into IT because they have no specific interests, moreso admin roles at big companies, which tend to be have a higher proportion of women than programming roles at startups.
To expand on the idea: in meritocracy, networking would matter much less then it matters in tech. Meritocracy would not see "culture fit" as so important as tech have it. Ability to work with others would matter, but there would be no beer test and crap like that. In meritocracy, your ability to socialize after work would matter less. Ability to organize own work would matter more then ability to sit there 80 hour a week being ineffective.
I also think meritocracy would lead to less fads nobody criticize until they are out of fashion at which point everyone criticizes.
So yeah, I stand by tech is not meritocratic and if it stopped being so self-confident about it, it could move closer to that ideal.
Of course I don't know you, but that might have more to do with your self esteem, or lack thereof, than anything else. Some people's reaction would be pleasure at their accomplishment.
To tell it flat out, tech to me seems to be signalintocracy much more then meritocracy. We don't even talk about what merit is - like ever. We don\t know. If you broadcast the right set of signals and are confident, then you go up. If you are humble or fail at whatever signals are in fashion that time, you go down. I remember quite a few dudes (whether in school or work) who were total respected geniuses doing completely difficult things - until I had to do the same thing and it turned out to be easy. It would be also super awesome if the best argued for ideas would win instead of most confidently and aggressively pronounced ideas.
I also think that lack of women in tech has more to do with how strongly little kids learn to associate being boy with anything tech related. It has nothing to do with math abilities, at least here boys who go to engineering and rarely really good in math (compared to pool of people who go to college). However, it is a good job for a boy that wants a job and does not have any special interest or hobby. It is not seen as good job for girl that dont really are.