To be fair, if the machine also tells me it deposited the cost of the ticket back in my account, plus $500, and gives me the option of either 1) A hotel stay and a ticket for tomorrow, printed right there, 2) A list of other flights going to the same destination today, which I can book/check-in from the terminal.

The pain is a lot less, though possibly still slightly less unsympathetic, depending on the mood of the attendant you'd otherwise have gotten.