From one internet stranger to another: I truly feel for you, and I wish you strength, courage, and ultimately peace.
I wish I could do more, but here's a poem in my native language [0]. Victor Hugo wrote this shortly after his daughter's death. I hope it brings you some comfort.
My grandparents saved and made grand plans for trips in retirement, and then my grandfather passed from lung cancer.
My parents have always said that money and retirement is wasted on the old, that whole thing should be reversed.
But.
> I can't live without her.
What does she want? Because I imagine she would very much want you to live - to live an extremely full and vibrant life. The life you two had hoped to have. On her list of wishes, I'm betting thats among the top. And I bet among them, thats the one wish you could actually make good on.
Your love is wonderful - its why you do what you do for her. I hope you spend the rest of your life celebrating it and sharing it with others.
That was throughly depressing and a little too close to home at the moment for me. I can't work out if it's better to burn out in 42 days or live for 7-10 years with a crippling immune disorder and constant care requirement which is what my wife faces.
In the space of a week you don't see a difference. In the space of a year, you realise the change. 2016 disappeared in a flash. We did nothing due to hospital appointments and illness. I have to work to pay the bills. You can't live on nothing. So it's work, care, work, care. She declines. We never get to live.
At the end we're left with nothing.
I implore anyone to enjoy life as soon as possible. Don't save it for a rainy day. It might never rain. We saved and planned and never got to fulfill our plans.
And I can't live without her.