Trying to will myself better didn't work for me either. But medication made things so much worse. I was emotionally numb for a decade because I bought into the thinking that the medication was helping. It allowed me to get back to work, but I lost 10 years in the prime of my life that I'll never get back. Ironically, having so many regrets for those 10 years clued me into the damaging thought patterns that were causing my depression. My mind was spending too much time thinking about the past and visualizing the future.
A conscious emphasis on being present and living in the moment has done wonders for me. And I only mention this because your comment felt like willing yourself better was the only way to think your way out of depression, which is absolutely not the case. Sometimes perspective matters more than determination.
I don't mean to invalidate curun1r's experience, but I do want to make sure that people will not read a post like that and conclude, as I once wrongly did, that they are better off without medication. A bad early experience with a psychiatrist who prescribed the wrong medication for me resulted in this same experience of emotional numbness, and quitting my medication to avoid that was exactly what led me down an extremely dangerous path. It's the single decision I regret the most in my entire life.
For some people, medication really is the best chance of living something approaching a normal life. You may try medication and come to the same conclusion as curun1r, but please do not dismiss the idea out of hand, and if it isn't working well for you, try working with your psychiatrist to make things better, or maybe just getting a new psychiatrist altogether, before giving up.
Psychiatry has been a very unempathetic field in my experience (across 4-5 doctors), so a "deal with it" response would be unsurprising.
Unempathetic doesn't even begin to describe the profession. Anti-Hippocratic oath might be the place to start if you're looking for a way to describe this field. Profit driven would be even better.
My doctors sucked ass, but at least when I told them about my lack of desire they tried a bunch of different things to try and help. Lithium actually seemed to work quite well for me the first time I was on it (the second time, it didn't seem to have an effect and I can't remember why I stopped taking it the first time). It was me that eventually suggested trying anti-psychotics and I eventually suggested the one that has worked wonders for my depression and complete apathy, but they generally were willing to try anything I thought might work better than my current treatments.
It really felt like the doctors (the clinic I was at went through so many doctors. I think I had 6 in about 4 years) were just prescription writing machines and I was the one in charge of my well-being. It was up to me to do research and find things that might help me out and it kind of makes sense because how much do you think your doctor thinks about you in a month? They probably only think about your situation for the duration of your appointment and maybe a few minutes before the appointment, so maybe 45 minutes each month (if you see the doctor monthly). On the other hand, I'm thinking about my situation almost non-stop. I'm desperate for relief so I was spending multiple hours a day, maybe hundreds of hours each month, researching how I can get better. So it's no wonder that it was me that eventually figured out what medication to try that eventually made me mostly better.
Out of all of the things I researched it ended up being atypical anti-psychotics, something I wanted to try because my mother had to be on them for a time. But we tried one drug, Abilify, (not the one that my mother was on), that I forgot why I stopped using, and then I found the other drug that I'm using now (Latuda) just from ads placed around the doctor's office. I looked the drug up online and I think looked at crazymeds to get more of a user's perspective and it sounded like the best atypical anti-psychotic with the best side-effect profile. So I suggested that and it worked out great. Then I was on an SNRI, Latuda, and Remeron (a tetracyclic anti-depressant I only used for insomnia caused by the SNRI) and I thought "this is a bit much", so with the agreement of my doctor I tried to get off of the Latuda, but after getting down to 20 mgs I felt bad for 3 or so days. So I went back to 40mgs and felt better almost immediately. This time I tried to get of the SNRI and I eventually did and still felt fine. And since I was off of the SNRI I didn't need Remeron to sleep anymore so I stopped that. Usually atypical anti-psychotics can be very powerful for depression as adjunct therapy along with an anti-depressant (Remeron + an AAP is colloquially called California Rocket Fuel). But I found it worked just great as monotherapy. So I didn't find what I'm on now through internet research, but I got the idea from my Mom's situation, the specific medication from ads that I further researched online (looking for technical information as well as anecdotal evidence and user experiences). Then I suggested cutting my medication down to where it is now.
I still don't have anything to treat anxiety, but I got a recommendation here on hacker news to maybe try Emsam and my doctor (who is way better than any of my previous doctors) had already mentioned trying an MAOI and Emsam is the only MAOI approved in the US that won't kill you if you eat cheese or other very common foods, so I was planning on trying that, but decided I didn't want to risk going down on the Latuda. Life has finally been good after a long time and I'd rather just deal with the anxiety than take a risk of feeling that bad again even for just a week or 2. Maybe I'll give it a try when work lightens up (probably never). There is one MAOI that is even better at not killing you for eating food and it's uses sound absolutely perfect for what I need, but it turns out to not be approved in the US. I have considered getting it online and self-medicating, but I don't feel that desperate right now. Maybe if I start to feel extremely panicked again I'll be motivated to self-medicate without doctor approval, but for now I'm finally okay.
Actually, I was talking to my sister-in-law and one of the drugs that their daughter takes is used for anxiety (Intuniv), but my doctor (after looking it up) said that that class of drugs helps anxiety more by helping with the secondary symptoms that are caused by anxiety rather than helping with anxiety itself (or something like that). And just last week I remembered that some anti-histamines are used for anxiety and so I'm going to mention that at my next appointment. I'm also going to see what users of Intuniv think of it, because if it worked for some people, then it's worth a try if I'm out of options and I hardly think it could make anything worse.
On the meds I was able to concentrate well enough to hold down a job. Concentration issues at work had been the primary reason I got treatment in the first place. And, like I said, I bought into that logic for a while. It was only once I realized that a full-blown meltdown would have been better than coasting through life with no enjoyment whatsoever that I felt comfortable discontinuing medication and trying to figure out another path.
The obly thing that finally helped, even after meds (I think) didn't do much, was a very solid "Fuck this, I don't want this anymore" and willing myself out of it by forcing myself to become a workoholic. It gave me interesting things to do and kept me distracted from the ultimate pointlessnes of it all.
Eventually the pointlessnes became my greatest asset. If nothing matters, then you can do anything right? Why give a shit about how a thing turns out, just try.
My psychiatrist at the time said that the meds gave me space to will myself out of it but who knows. I'm sure it went hand in hand.
On the other hand, it's been 13-ish years and too much leisure time still gets me sliding back towards a pit of despair. I'm probably not cured at all, just coping, and I'm likely to have to continue coping forever. Like a former drug addict or alcoholic.
Fundamentally, I did have the meds and I did get better. Without a control, I can't say whether I got better because of the drugs, in spite of the drugs, or they had no effect. Considering they're approved meds, I can assume that statistically they work better than a placebo and do have a measurable effect. Whether they had causative effect my specific case is anyone's guess.
[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_serotonin_reuptake_i...
For example, the first time that I took SSRI's (a decade ago or so, recommended by my primary care physician), I had a negative reaction, and roughly a year of CBT was a much better solution (with a diagnosis of major depression). Fast forward to a few months ago, after being diagnosed yet again with major depression, this time by a psychiatrist, the SSRI's that were recommended and that I took triggered bipolar disorder--not an uncommon occurrence from what I now understand--and my current diagnosis.
All in all, it sounds like you may likely benefit from therapy (individual or group based) in addition to the meds that you're already taking (for what it's worth, it's helped me immensely).
Sorry that this is off-topic but it's something that's bugged me for a long time. I've never understood it and it's very hard to google for an answer.
If you see this elsewhere it is context specific. But for example there is a difference between those who draw suburban house plans and those who plan museums.
Maybe some people can think themselves better, but if you are properly depressed, and your doctor is suggesting medication, it's not failing/losing/lessening to take the drugs to correct a chemical imbalance. And stay on them until you're supposed to come off (not when you begin to feel better), as the last thing you want is to ping-pong between highs & lows.
Of course, fix the underlying issue (if there is one) when you can (i.e. see a psychologist and get proper instruction), but you want to get to a stable place first.
This is just my comment, a sample size of 1, but if it helps anyone else reading through this, so much the better.