I may one day end my life out of exasperation at the culture I live in bearing down with demands for a certain conduct that I cannot sincerely present, but this future isn’t real to me either, just like no future is real, because I don’t currently feel compelled to commit suicide. I do, however, feel that my frustration will progress. Often it seems like what is expected of us in the industrialized world is akin to joining a traveling sideshow and lumbering around in clumsy costumes, doing a song and dance for the simple delight of some abstract, blurred-out crowd. None of my friends or anyone I know are real either. They are all becoming the same person. Isolated hand crafted social networks. No particular philosophy or ideology to bind them except the mindless packed egalitarianism that the media sold to them in a nice little bundle.

Clothing. Beats. Startups. Money. Let's get fucked up bro. You thinking DORSiA tonight bro? It's all pseudo. Even the people who are 'into shit' are usually into it just deep enough where they can virtue signal others of the same depth, then jerk each other off about how fucking amazing they are for being the x% of the population into $y hobby. It doesn't matter what club. The attitude comes in all themes - classical music, startups, etc. Most of it is an illusion, I've only met maybe 2 people in my entire life who've dissolved their ego's (no I am not one of them).

We've abstracted human connection and communication to such a disgusting degree we're most likely never turning back.

And please spare me the mental health responses.

Why would you choose death over, say, removing yourself from the environment? Couldn't you move to another country(assuming you had the resources), or move out into the forest and live as a hermit?

Is there something more specific you could talk about with this? "with demands for a certain conduct that I cannot sincerely present". Are we talking about something like being gay in an anti-gay society, or something far deeper about the basic structure of society?

Sorry for pressing, I'm just very curious in your point of view.

>Why would you choose death over, say, removing yourself from the environment? Couldn't you move to another country(assuming you had the resources), or move out into the forest and live as a hermit?

>Is there something more specific you could talk about with this? "with demands for a certain conduct that I cannot sincerely present". Are we talking about something like being gay in an anti-gay society, or something far deeper about the basic structure of society?

If I dress my thoughts up into a book with a narrative it might be just good enough where people excuse my depravity as 'wit'. I'll wait until I publish and if it goes nowhere, then I'll end it. Until then I'll keep pretending, and it's the pretending that kills me. Most people are lost. I get overwhelmingly sad when around people because I can't help them. Too much empathy and self awareness. I honestly have no idea. Just being around people makes me sadder than if I wasn't around them. What actually makes me happy is not chilling and hanging out, but teaching someone and watching them learn and seeing the resultant joy that brings. That's why I greatly enjoy getting lost in music and playing with friends. There's people I know where I honestly don't know a single detail about eachother's lives, we just play and communicate that way.

I don't mean to impose, but your comments here and others above sound exactly like my diagnosed schizophrenic brother when he's not medicating. You might consider visiting a psychiatrist.

Can you go more in depth on that?

65 is a long time from now; your viewpoint on many things is likely to evolve.

I would encourage you to plan your finances as if you'll live to 90+, such that any decision to exit early will be driven by your own volition and not by financial stressors. No mental health argument here; I'm just trying to keep it practical.

With all due respect you don't know me. My viewpoint on all things is likely not to evolve. I'm at the end. There are no more 'viewpoints'. Perspective/viewpoint/ideology only go so far. Thanks for asking.

Why do you think your viewpoints won't evolve?

I remember how bound to philosophy I was in high school. Every new concept was amazing and gave me strength. It's been years since I've been moved by anything I've read and I don't know why, but it's not for a lack of trying. I also don't think it's a case of "oh you're young" because there's only so much literature out there, and with the internet + basic life trivialities mostly optimized and handled, the amount of time to take in information is an order of magnitude larger than past generations.

Just way too much information way too quickly.

Have you ever thought of writing your own thoughts down in a more extended form? I think the world only benefits from a plurality of viewpoints, not just viewpoints of the common.

You're right, I don't and didn't mean to overstep.