>Why would you choose death over, say, removing yourself from the environment? Couldn't you move to another country(assuming you had the resources), or move out into the forest and live as a hermit?

>Is there something more specific you could talk about with this? "with demands for a certain conduct that I cannot sincerely present". Are we talking about something like being gay in an anti-gay society, or something far deeper about the basic structure of society?

If I dress my thoughts up into a book with a narrative it might be just good enough where people excuse my depravity as 'wit'. I'll wait until I publish and if it goes nowhere, then I'll end it. Until then I'll keep pretending, and it's the pretending that kills me. Most people are lost. I get overwhelmingly sad when around people because I can't help them. Too much empathy and self awareness. I honestly have no idea. Just being around people makes me sadder than if I wasn't around them. What actually makes me happy is not chilling and hanging out, but teaching someone and watching them learn and seeing the resultant joy that brings. That's why I greatly enjoy getting lost in music and playing with friends. There's people I know where I honestly don't know a single detail about eachother's lives, we just play and communicate that way.

I don't mean to impose, but your comments here and others above sound exactly like my diagnosed schizophrenic brother when he's not medicating. You might consider visiting a psychiatrist.

Can you go more in depth on that?