First, my condolences on your loss. Losing someone so close can be devastating. I have lost someone very close. Their death sent me into a downward spiral where I questioned everything around me. My family, job, friends, like, why am I here, etc.

I saw a psychiatrist. I took medication. We talked. It helped. I stopped the medication 10 years ago. I am thankful I admitted I needed someone to help me. I wasn't qualified to help myself and I didn't see the "light at the end of the tunnel" without them.

You can't right any wrongs until you understand why you wrong'd in the first place. People will understand.

Good luck. If you need a helping hand getting started this community can help.