So for soundcheck it was important for it to sound right for an empty room, whereas we were also somewhat covertly tuning parameters in anticipation of the crowd's effect on the acoustics.
So the key point is that we were building two sounds; one to fit her psychoacoustic perception in an empty room to make for a comfortable soundcheck, and another for the actual acoustic scenario of the performance. The latter was offputting for the performer despite being 'correct'.
Levelling the playing field in 'amateur sound tech' (mostly good craftspeople who are just doing what they can with limited time/resources) is an active area of research in acoustics and DSP. I recommend Dr Josh Reiss of QMUL (where I'm based) for more on this. Check out his work on automatic audio engineering. Machine learning is very appropriate to this area of work:
https://scholar.google.co.uk/citations?hl=en&user=fVlS_EgAAA...
Very curious of about this one weird trick that you did. What did you do for it to sound right to her? Are you sure you weren't just tuning parameters in a way that allowed her to best identify resonance in a venue?