With respect, I think our different views may be the result of a different understanding of what it means to truly be self-interested. In my view, it's nothing like being a greedy bastard who only cares about sacrificing other people to himself, being a manipulator, being miserly, etc.
I do not want my children to love me because I'm their father, or because I took care of them (along with their mother) when they were growing up.
I see it as my job, if I want a relationship with my children, to be bringing value to them in the here and now.
Sure, we have good memories of the past, but good memories are not (in my view) a sufficient basis for an ongoing relationship.
Even worse would be a sense of obligation on the part of my children towards me, simply because I'm their father.
You summarized it well: "I hope my children will hold me accountable for my actions, and vice-versa."
You may have an epiphany about the 50th time you yell "watch out for that car". I swear she _wants_ me to have a heart attack.