I'm in my thirties and felt as you did until I found the right social hobby (swing dancing). Now, my biggest social concern is balancing:

1. Being kind and open to new people I meet. 2. Dedicating enough time to the people I know. 3. Dedicating enough time to myself.

I write this as an American living in Thailand for the last five months. I'm unfamiliar with Thai and many other Asian languages, yet in those months I've made friends with people from a half dozen countries in Asia and a couple in Europe. I would happily meet up with many for a meal. For some, I would even consider hosting them or asking to crash on their couches.

This is less of an advertisement for swing dancing or dancing in general, and more an advertisement for exploring different subcultures. I explored many before finding this particular one.

Heh, I think my wife and I accidentally stumbled on your swing dancing group. Is it the one that meets in that second floor bar with windows facing west just south of Sukhumvit from the British embassy? Looked like fun but people taking it oh so serious! Lots of expats. We were simply relaxing and amused at the difference with China, but I've since seen a similar event in Chengdu and we've since met an Aussie tango teacher who has just started up here in Kunming. From what I understand, swing is super popular with US west-coasters. Seems a bit of a thing in this area right now. Of course it's probably a faded fad by now in the more US-connected Korea/Hong Kong/Taiwan zone...

Guess I am the exception that proves the rule. 33 here, moved at least 10 times in the last 15 years, including 3 major international jumps, but still have a big circle of friends across the region in multiple cities. We are definitely more aware of parents now that we have a child but overall most friends are still without. Certainly couples are more approachable now than singles, though.

> 33 here, moved at least 10 times in the last 15 years, including 3 major international jumps

35 here, moved at least 20 times in the last 15 years, including 3 major international jumps

FTFM (fixed that for me). It's fun but not always easy, as a single person, that is.

Yep, that's one of two places here. The swing dance scene in HK and Korea is much larger. Once I'm a little more settled in my new job, I'd like to go dancing in both places.

Yep, I'm in the same situation as you. Had almost no social circle in my early thirties, but then I started attending meetups as well as getting into the hobbyist board game subculture.

Now it's a real challenge to spend time with everyone and yet save some time for myself and my creative hobbies.

Dedicating time to myself is the most challenging because the feedback loops are long and unpleasant. If I don't dedicate enough, I feel overwhelmed and maybe behave in a regrettable way. I usually don't have a problem dedicating too much time for myself, since there's many fun things to do with others or a friend in need.

Same here but I have the opposite situation. Also work remotely and live in the South of Portugal (so not even in a big city). Been living here for a year and made a lot of colleagues and have a diverse group of people which I do various activities with (some for tennis, others hiking, others going to local fairs). The main difference I think is being more outgoing and even going to events where you don't think you will enjoy just for the sake of being out and meeting people.

ps: if you are in or near central algarve, drop me a line, will be more than happy to go for a beer anytime.

>... when most social circles are already established.

That's a good point. It's harder to befriend people in any meaningful way when they already have an ample or established group of friends.