That reminds me of a Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode, on thanksgiving:

Anya: I love a ritual sacrifice.

Buffy: Not really a one of those.

Anya: To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrifice. With pie.

It's funny how we consider certain cultural behaviors to be wildly different when they're "ours" versus "theirs" even if they're pretty similar if you can step back and observe them objectively.

"If you used historical techniques on us, you'd get completely the wrong idea!" Maybe. Or maybe you'd finally get the right idea.

I'd love to write more, but I've finished ingesting the stimulants that allow me to tolerate my oppressive culture (drinking coffee), and I'm going to take a short trip to worship the revered dead (visit the National Mall).

Imagine trying to explain to an ancient Greek philosopher how Christianity is monotheistic.

So, you have one God, but also a demigod, who is his son. There's a god of the underworld you call satan, and a number of divine or demonic creatures called angels and demons. Ok, throw in some ancestor worship in the form of saints.

This monotheistic pantheon would have sounded reassuringly familiar your ancient Greek interlocutor.

There is no God but The Dollar, and Santa Claus is his prophet.

Santa Claus is a false prophet, an imposter. Sinterklaas [0] is the original, the real deal.

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[0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sinterklaas